Making the First Move
I am all about metaphors.
God speaks to me in metaphors.
Maybe that's weird, maybe it's not. You tell me. Maybe that's why I'm a songwriter. But that is beside the point.
I think God loves to speak to us in metaphors. Not only because He is a creative guy Himself, but because He knows that because He is so "other-than" from us, there is no way we could grasp His character without likening it to things we already know.
Like the metaphor of a father. That's a good one. God is the ultimate and perfect Father. The One who abounds in love and goes to the ends of the earth, no, the ends of the heavens, to care for us. There's a song called "Good Good Father" by Housefires. It's probably best for you to go buy it on iTunes this very moment, but I digress...
Metaphors. I think that anything in this world that is a metaphor for what God does for us or who He is to us is a good thing for us to take note of.
Now bear with me, I'm about to talk about dating.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert, in fact, I am the farthest thing from one. I have very little experience in this area. I am simply expressing thoughts on something that I have been trying to put in to words for a long time. I am in no way saying that this is law or that every situation works this way, but in theory, this is how I would wish for it to play out in my own life. It may not be the same for you. Or you may be way past the dating stage of life and this may seem completely irrelevant to you. If that is the case, please enjoy the thoughts of this youngin' and take the metaphor for what it's worth.
Ever since I can remember, I have felt that the guy should make the first move. I have always felt that guys need to take more initiative. (Now, guys, don't get me wrong. I realize there are many a reason why girls make this extremely difficult sometimes. That's another conversation I would love to have. But for now, I am simply dealing with the metaphor).
I never really could put words to why the guy had to do all the work. Why does the guy have to pay? Does he have to pay? Am I being sexist? Am I just playing into the societal laws that have been put into place?
All this time I had been explaining this as "That's the way God designed it. Men need to be the pursuer, it's in their DNA." and I still believe that. But why did God design it that way? What's the point?
If there's anything I know about God, it's that He does all things for a purpose. And what's more, He does all things to point back to Himself.
I've been reading the book Captivating in bits and pieces for a while now. I've been loving it. In all honesty, I didn't know what I was going to get out of the book. Yet another Christian self-help book, I thought. Yet, the thing I love about this book is that it spends very little time telling you how to improve yourself, and a lot of time explaining how we were created perfectly, intricately to point to our Creator.
The last chapter I read was about beauty. Women were created to reflect the relational, loving and awe-inspiring beauty of our God. Men were created to reflect the powerful, awesome strength of our God.
Just as men and women reflect different sides of the Lord's character, so do children and nature and masters and slaves and pastors and doctors and mothers and fathers... etc.
This all got me to thinking about dating (as I am a college girl, dating isn't ever a far off topic).
Why did it just seem wrong for girls to do the asking, ladies doing the buying and picking up and door opening? Why can't it go either way?
Then it hit me. The metaphor.
Ephesians 5:25-28
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
Husbands and wives, men and women, guys and girls. It's all a metaphor. It all points to the One who loves us. He made it all point to Himself. How else could he make us understand his unfathomable love?
Why should the guy make the first move?
Because Christ did just that for us. He came down, out of His way, all in a gesture to show His vast affection towards us. He knew that there were no guarantees that His efforts would be rewarded or that His feelings would be reciprocated. But regardless, He wanted us to know His feelings for us. He wanted to give us the opportunity to respond. Even if our response was a no.
Why should the guy pay for the date?
Because Christ paid the price for us. There was no reason for Him to pay our half of the bill. But because he loved us, because of his affection toward us, He wanted to pay. He asked to pay. He took the check before we even had the chance to pull out our wallet. Because regardless of our response or if we said yes to date number two, He wanted to demonstrate His love.
Why does all of this make me uncomfortable? Why would I feel weird if a guy tried to pay for my meal?
Because it's a ridiculous gift. Because there is no reason for it. Because nothing I do makes me deserve a free dinner. I don't understand why anyone would care for me enough to go out of their way to pay for me. Everything in me wants to pay them back somehow or apologize for being a burden. But that's the point of the gift. It wasn't given to create guilt, it was given to demonstrate love.
All the more reason for me to own this metaphor. Because I still don't get it. We still don't get it. We don't have to DO anything. It's so uncomfortable because we are so undeserving. Jesus paid the ultimate price knowing you might not even say yes to a first date, much less the marriage proposal at the end. Jesus stuck His neck out far before we agreed to anything. And He did that on purpose. So that we would know that His love did not hang in the balance of whether or not we would accept it or deserve it. His love for us is boundless, no restrictions and no expectations.
I think this is one of the most beautiful metaphors in all creation. Am I saying that the guy should pull out all of the stops on the first date so the girl knows his boundless love for her before the relationship has even started? Maybe not. But I am saying, if you're scared to stick your neck out and ask that girl to coffee because you have no idea what her response will be, good. Congratulations. You've just lived out the metaphor. And maybe we will finally get it.
Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
God speaks to me in metaphors.
Maybe that's weird, maybe it's not. You tell me. Maybe that's why I'm a songwriter. But that is beside the point.
I think God loves to speak to us in metaphors. Not only because He is a creative guy Himself, but because He knows that because He is so "other-than" from us, there is no way we could grasp His character without likening it to things we already know.
Like the metaphor of a father. That's a good one. God is the ultimate and perfect Father. The One who abounds in love and goes to the ends of the earth, no, the ends of the heavens, to care for us. There's a song called "Good Good Father" by Housefires. It's probably best for you to go buy it on iTunes this very moment, but I digress...
Metaphors. I think that anything in this world that is a metaphor for what God does for us or who He is to us is a good thing for us to take note of.
Now bear with me, I'm about to talk about dating.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert, in fact, I am the farthest thing from one. I have very little experience in this area. I am simply expressing thoughts on something that I have been trying to put in to words for a long time. I am in no way saying that this is law or that every situation works this way, but in theory, this is how I would wish for it to play out in my own life. It may not be the same for you. Or you may be way past the dating stage of life and this may seem completely irrelevant to you. If that is the case, please enjoy the thoughts of this youngin' and take the metaphor for what it's worth.
Ever since I can remember, I have felt that the guy should make the first move. I have always felt that guys need to take more initiative. (Now, guys, don't get me wrong. I realize there are many a reason why girls make this extremely difficult sometimes. That's another conversation I would love to have. But for now, I am simply dealing with the metaphor).
I never really could put words to why the guy had to do all the work. Why does the guy have to pay? Does he have to pay? Am I being sexist? Am I just playing into the societal laws that have been put into place?
All this time I had been explaining this as "That's the way God designed it. Men need to be the pursuer, it's in their DNA." and I still believe that. But why did God design it that way? What's the point?
If there's anything I know about God, it's that He does all things for a purpose. And what's more, He does all things to point back to Himself.
I've been reading the book Captivating in bits and pieces for a while now. I've been loving it. In all honesty, I didn't know what I was going to get out of the book. Yet another Christian self-help book, I thought. Yet, the thing I love about this book is that it spends very little time telling you how to improve yourself, and a lot of time explaining how we were created perfectly, intricately to point to our Creator.
The last chapter I read was about beauty. Women were created to reflect the relational, loving and awe-inspiring beauty of our God. Men were created to reflect the powerful, awesome strength of our God.
Just as men and women reflect different sides of the Lord's character, so do children and nature and masters and slaves and pastors and doctors and mothers and fathers... etc.
This all got me to thinking about dating (as I am a college girl, dating isn't ever a far off topic).
Why did it just seem wrong for girls to do the asking, ladies doing the buying and picking up and door opening? Why can't it go either way?
Then it hit me. The metaphor.
Ephesians 5:25-28
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
Husbands and wives, men and women, guys and girls. It's all a metaphor. It all points to the One who loves us. He made it all point to Himself. How else could he make us understand his unfathomable love?
Why should the guy make the first move?
Because Christ did just that for us. He came down, out of His way, all in a gesture to show His vast affection towards us. He knew that there were no guarantees that His efforts would be rewarded or that His feelings would be reciprocated. But regardless, He wanted us to know His feelings for us. He wanted to give us the opportunity to respond. Even if our response was a no.
Why should the guy pay for the date?
Because Christ paid the price for us. There was no reason for Him to pay our half of the bill. But because he loved us, because of his affection toward us, He wanted to pay. He asked to pay. He took the check before we even had the chance to pull out our wallet. Because regardless of our response or if we said yes to date number two, He wanted to demonstrate His love.
Why does all of this make me uncomfortable? Why would I feel weird if a guy tried to pay for my meal?
Because it's a ridiculous gift. Because there is no reason for it. Because nothing I do makes me deserve a free dinner. I don't understand why anyone would care for me enough to go out of their way to pay for me. Everything in me wants to pay them back somehow or apologize for being a burden. But that's the point of the gift. It wasn't given to create guilt, it was given to demonstrate love.
All the more reason for me to own this metaphor. Because I still don't get it. We still don't get it. We don't have to DO anything. It's so uncomfortable because we are so undeserving. Jesus paid the ultimate price knowing you might not even say yes to a first date, much less the marriage proposal at the end. Jesus stuck His neck out far before we agreed to anything. And He did that on purpose. So that we would know that His love did not hang in the balance of whether or not we would accept it or deserve it. His love for us is boundless, no restrictions and no expectations.
I think this is one of the most beautiful metaphors in all creation. Am I saying that the guy should pull out all of the stops on the first date so the girl knows his boundless love for her before the relationship has even started? Maybe not. But I am saying, if you're scared to stick your neck out and ask that girl to coffee because you have no idea what her response will be, good. Congratulations. You've just lived out the metaphor. And maybe we will finally get it.
Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
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